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By DEAN HALL
Therapist

At the 2004 Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times and finally landed flat on his face. Bruised and bleeding, it appeared that all was lost and his race was over.

Like this poor, little lad, the race for successful relationships with our coworkers can be lost when we stumble over misunderstandings or petty irritations as personalities clash and conflict arises.

When all sense of teamwork falls flat on its face, we are left bruised and bleeding.

This leads me to ask:

Which is the best strategy to build a sense of teamwork within your organizations?

A. Viewing conflict as an opportunity for change.

B. Making sure your opinion is heard and understood.

C. Peace at any price.

D. Refusing to become too serious.

If you answered:

A. Correct. Kenneth Kaye, Ph.D., developmental psychologist and author of "Workplace Wars and How To End Them" writes: No organization is so excellent, no team so unified, no business so successful that it is immune to internal conflict. Misunderstandings arise. Personalities clash. Petty irritations mount.

Conflict means opportunity. It gives us reasons not to go on doing the same old things and thinking in the same old ways. Whenever conflict kicks us in the head, it creates an opportunity to exceed our own expectations. It must not be our goal to prevent conflict or discourage disputes.

Our goal is to encourage good disputes. We want people to disagree with one another freely, constructively, always respecting the legitimacy of other points of view and the value of the other person.

When attempting to create a good dispute within your organization, Dr. Kaye believes it is absolutely necessary to practice and maintain the following guidelines:

* Focus on common goals.

* Don't squelch differences.

* Don't run away from emotions.

* Don't tolerate the destructive, catastrophic, or wasteful disputes (i.e. name calling, putdowns, backstabbing, blaming or violence of any kind.)

B. When your primary goal is for everyone else to hear and understand you, teamwork is lost and the chances for success diminish. Listen first.

C. This motto shouldn't even be allowed to toe the starting line. When we run from conflict we can be sure our race will never end successfully.

D. Many situations in our organizations require a serious approach. All too often, coworkers laugh when they should be listening. Their refusal to become too serious is a sign they lack the skill to maturely deal with conflict.

When we have the courage to view conflict as an opportunity for change, our story may have the same happy ending as the little boy laying on the track at the Special Olympics.

When the eight other racers heard him cry they slowed down and looked over their shoulders. Then they turned around and went back, every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better."

Smiling like champions, all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood and cheered for several minutes.

Why? Because in a pure and undefiled fashion, they proved that we all have a natural ability to slow down, change our course and pick our fellow racer up.

When we make life more than a vain attempt to grab the glory for ourselves, we all win.

Dean Hall is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist in Arkansas City.